Monday, August 31, 2009

Guess What?

I'm EJ.
If you can tell me what it stands for, I'll give you a cookie.

Speaking of which, I love cookies.
Especially chocolate-chip cookies.

My sister's nickname was cookie.
Her favorite ice cream is chocolate chip cookie dough.
My favorite ice cream is probably Goo Goo Cluster.
But I really like Tin Roof Sundae, too.
My sister used to work at an ice cream shop.
Both of them.
At the same time.
I didn't, though.
Neither did my brother.

I worked for a fast-food joint.
My brother worked for Cinnabon.
Now I work for the Gap.
My brother works for Sprint.
One sister is a supervisor for mall securty.
The other doesn't even work at the mall anymore.
She works for Costco.

My parents own their own janitorial company.
I love my parents.
They're nice.

I sing.
A lot.
It's quite enthralling, actually.
I play the piano as well.
Most of the time, I sing while I play.
Or others sing while I play.
True story.

Speaking of stories....

Did I tell you about the guy who's
going to name his band after me?
Or about the girl that tried to
jack from the Gap?
Or the 4 kitties that were
abandoned in a paper bag?

Not yet?
That's okay.
Maybe some other time.

Right now, it's time for bed.
Tomorrow, I've got to go to church.
I'm LDS, by the way.
If you can tell me what that stands for...
I'll give you a cookie.

Speaking of which...

Friday, August 28, 2009

Change Is Gonna Come

A month or so ago, I wrote here about the decision I made to go 100% public with my sexual orientation in church -twice. Now don't get me wrong, I've been pretty out for a long time. Before these instances, my coworkers knew, my close friends knew, my family knew, my church leaders knew, pretty much most people knew. There was something strangely empowering, though, about allowing the entire ward, and then the entire Seattle/Tacoma metro area in on my life.

A lot of people had opinions on what short and long term effects might occur. I had my own ideas of how things would change with some people. The funny thing is that since then, I haven't noticed a dramatic change in the way people around me are acting. In fact, I have received more positive reactions than not; but in all actuality, most of my relationships are the same. The one person that changed? ME!

I've been a pretty outgoing person for the better half of my life, and I like to think that I make friends easily. But I have noticed how much more confident I've become over the last month. I have expressed my opinions more unabashedly, had more fun when going out, danced more shamelessly, laughed louder and longer, said "no" more emphatically, and much more I'm sure. I think that the reason the Lord prompted me to be so forthcoming with my Sunday School class was for this purpose: to prove to me that a raging homo like myself belongs in the neighborhood, in the church, in the world!

It's been a great feeling! I've still had some depressing moments, but overall, I've been happier. My friends have wanted to be around me more often, my family has requested more of my quality time, I've been hit on more often when out in public! Haha I know, I sound like a little girl~

Really, I'm grateful for this experience, and I'm looking forward to many more great opportunities to grow!

P.S. And I'm NOT 30! Yes, I'm talking to you, Chase!

Friday, August 7, 2009

I can't sleep. Again. I get up (relatively) early to go to the gym, put in a good day's work, come home (or go out), and take care of little things before going to bed. Often, I put in a movie, and try to lose myself in it. Most of the time, I cannot get emotionally-engaged enough to find the experience fulfilling, or satisfying. I end up feeling more numb than before I watched the movie. Symptoms that my life is not all I would like it to be; I'm depressed.

So many neat things have happened recently, and I keep forgetting to blog about them. Like my wonderful brother and his awesome best friend going out to a gay club with me last week, just so we could go dancing, and hang out together. Or the wonderful people who have recently reached out to me, as if inspired by God to talk to me. Or the workout routine that I've begun and so far am keeping to.

But everyday, I find myself in the same old slump. There are many reasons for the slump that I am not ready to let lay out on the table. I guess I'm just too tired right now to talk about it. Let's just say that there are 3 big contributing factors, and they pretty much are all my fault, so I shouldn't complain. Everyday, it becomes more and more clear to me how truly imperfect I am. I know that I need more of God's help in my life. But I've allowed distance to creep in because I've disappointed Him in so many ways, and it's tough to kneel before him with the conscience I currently harbor. I hate disappointing those I love. It's something I'm all too good at doing. It's only made worse by the silence that often accompanies it; maybe He is trying to tell me something, and I'm just not very good at listening.

Anyway, I don't even know what I'm trying to say right now. I'm just exhausted, and haven't written in a while, and I hoped it would help. It isn't, haha~