Thursday, October 8, 2009


I remember my very first date with my very first boyfriend. We went to the movies to see "Atlantis." It was a really cute flick, and we had a good time. I was eager for lunch, and in a great mood when we walked out of the room, and into the lobby. That's when it happened: a mother with two children walked past us, and the kids were so cute, so happy, and their mother had a big smile on her face. They were adorable as they walked past us, all giddy from the movie.

I watched the little family walk by, and I burst into tears. My boyfriend gave me a look, and asked, "Hey, what happened? You okay?" I tried to smile as I mustered, "They're just so beautiful," and nodded at the little children. My bf asked, "Are you upset." I nodded. "Why?" And I died a little inside as I answered, "I just realized, for the first time, that I'll never have kids."

That was 8 years ago. To this day, that very thought depresses me. When I hear a baby cry, I long for that baby to be crying for me. When a child acts up in public, I feel a slight twinge of guilt when their parents make a disconcerted face at them. When the teens at church come to me with stories or questions, I consider the blessing their parents must enjoy from having them around all the time.

I know, I can adopt. Or get a surrogate. But it's just not the same.

I may finish this blog later... BTW the baby's my newborn nephew Braviun :)