EJ 101

1) I am vain:


The other night, I hung out with a bunch of younger peeps. The youngest was just shy of 18. He was really cute, and took really good care of himself. We compared bods: he had much nicer muscles. When we talked about age, he revealed that he was born in '92, I laughed loudly, and announced I was born in '83. He stopped and gaped open-mouthed at me! "Really?!" he said. "I would have never guessed you were that old." I felt so good, and took it as a huge comment. WHY?! Because I'm vain.

2) I am lazy:

Earlier today, I got into my friend's car, and strapped myself in. It was so hot, my head immediately started to hurt. I was wearing a dark shirt and tie, and big black dancer's pants. I was so tired, though, that I didn't loosen the tie, turn up the A/C, or roll down the window. I just lay back and waited til I fell asleep to receive relief. When I woke up, my head felt like it was going to explode. All because I'm so freakin lazy.

3) I am retarded:

My co-worker dropped bombs in the bathroom at the end of the night. I decided I was going to clean the restrooms, but thought to myself, "I'd better wait to go in the men's room til the fumes clear." Not a minute later, he invited me into the boy's bathroom to prep it for cleaning, and what did I do? I walked right on in: smack dabb into the nasty, left-over Asian food + farfanuggen stench. All because I'm a moron with a terrible short-term memory.

4) I am impatient:

I'm not going to finish this post, because I don't have time for patience~

26 and a Half

I can remember being only 5
When I had my first crush on a guy
He lived next door, and every day
We'd talk, we'd laugh, we'd play

We moved far away from my dear friend
I never did see that guy again
It happened 21 years ago,
I never forgot him though.

It happened again at 6, at 10,
These little crushes on little men
Now I'm 26 and a half years old
I had no idea how my life would unfold

At 12, I felt strange curiosity
My teacher called it "puberty"
But while other boys solely vied for girls
I grasped for the best of both worlds

When 13 came, I was no longer a child
That summer, things got pretty wild
A little fling turned into 4 years
Of a double life led in fear

I look back on my teenage self
And remember all the secret things I felt
Now that I'm 26 and a half
I'm grateful to call it my past

19 was probably the toughest time yet
It's when the fork in the road and I met
The journey ahead would be rough and trying
But it'd be worth the hurting and crying

At 21 God gave my Mormon card back
But my love for mankind He did not retract
I was grateful, for I had learned and matured
Through this "disease" He would not cure

Life has been good, though it's had its downs
Still, I smile more oft than I frown
Now I'm 26 and a half
I can't believe all that's happened so fast

In 26 and a half more years
I'm pretty sure I'll still be queer
Will I ever be able to come to a place
Where I'll have a wife and kids one day?

Will I be able to someday enjoy
A traditional family, like other boys?
Or am I forever to benchwarm on the side
And watch others play, like old times?

If I must wait for the eternities
To wed, then I'll do what God asks of me
But I'm only 26 and a half
I sure hope I've the strength to last