Emails

This is a conversation I had with a friend of mine over emails. She's a sweet, funny woman in my parent's ward, and we've recently become friends. She asked me for advice, and I provided it, but you guys have given me tons of wonderful advice; so I asked her if I could put out conversation here so you could put in your two cents, too. Oh, and yes, I changed the guy's name.

Read this conversation I had with someone on facebook (I went to school with
his partner in Moab Utah). Please tell me what I should have said. This
really bothers me. And I can't find anywhere on LDS.org that Homosexuality
is equal to child molestation and murder.

ME: How cute did Keith change his name?

James Martin: No. Keith doesn't facebook and his partner, James's
mormon parents told him he was no longer a "Larsen" so he goes by "Martin"
...

Me: James I am so sorry and that breaks my heart! I am LDS, active,
temple worthy and also the proud parent of a gay son! This is the most un
Christ like behavior I have ever heard! Shame on your parents!!!! May they
be judged as harshly as they have judged you!!!

James Martin: "I'd be interested to know how you can be a temple worthy
Mormon & be a supportive mother of a gay son. This just tells me that you
sustain leaders who compare homosexuality with child molestation and murder
and then give these people money. You couldn't be too proud of your son or
the hypocrisy would drive you mad."

Me: I am sorry you feel that way. But I understand why.

James Martin: "Answered like a true Mormon. It was a real question. I'd
ask again but I'm not sure you understand the question. Good luck."

Me: I am a true Mormon and I do not take offense to it. I understand the
question and I also know that nothing I could say would make you change your
mind about how you feel towards the church. I am not one to debate
anything. Religion and politics on are on top of that list. You don't know
me and I don't know you. You stated your Mormon parents disowned you and I
think that is horrible and sad.

Me again: Sorry Chrissy for taking over your post on facebook. I am going
to delete my comments. James feel free to respond to me directly at
brenda.dickerson@comcast.net.

Brenda


Brenda,

I think your response was awesome! Good for you for sticking up for yourself, the church, and your son, all in one very short conversation, without attacking anyone, or apologizing for your own views. What you told Jeffery was honest, real, and very valid.

Whenever people ask me questions like that, I tend to respond with something like this:

Religion is a practice that enhances a relationship between a person and God. It is a very personal thing to me, my relationship to my Father, and I have strengthened it more by practicing the LDS faith than through any other means. If I support my leaders at church, it's not because of what they believe; it's because of what I believe. I go to church because I feel closer to God there than anywhere else. I love the temple, because God resides there, and I feel it everywhere I go when I'm there. I pay tithing because I'm grateful for the multitude of blessings God gives me daily, and He has only asked for 10% of my income. I have been blessed more than I have given, and I know that money has gone where God wants it to go. I have never given it to someone who was being payed to administer to me, because everyone who has come to my aid has done it of their own, profit-less accord.

Do I believe that there are members of the church who are close-minded, ignorant, or misinformed? Why yes, of course I do, because I've met them. I encounter them constantly, and I even support them at church, and become friends with them. Why? Because God asked me to love all of my neighbors, as I love myself. And you know what? The majority of these people have returned the favor. Some of these people have become my closest friends, and some of my best allies. And a minute number of them have ever suggested that homosexuality and pedophilia are synonymous, let alone murder. I'm sorry if that's been your experience, but it hasn't been mine; I'm very happy being a Mormon, and I think it's obvious. I respect those who are not, or leave the church by choice. I am still friends with many of these people, and they respect me too.

Really, Brenda, you were way too nice to that guy. I wish he had just appreciated your comments, instead of being a close-minded jerk about the whole thing. Do you mind if I copy our conversation into a blog?

Talk to you again soon!

Esera


There you go. What would you have said?

A Sunday Outting

All year long, I have wrestled with the thought of coming out to my Sunday School class, and using my life as an example in so many our lessons. Then, almost 2 weeks ago, after another semi-depressing conversation with my best friend, I decided that the time had arrived for me to grow the balls to finally do it. So for roughly a week leading up to last week Sunday, I prayed for the courage, and derived strength from my close friends as I prepared for that fateful time.

Sunday, June 7th, 2009 marks the day it finally happened. The lesson discussion was focused around the second coming of Christ. I used the story of Peter the disciple and Jesus Christ walking on water:

22 And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.
23 And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.
24 But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.
25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.

I encouraged the class to pull apart the story, and to tell me what they got out of it. Their responses were wonderful. Some spoke of the miracle it was that Peter was able to walk on the water at all. Some talked about the example Christ was in setting aside time to commune with his Father in Heaven. Others spoke of their personal desires to remain faithful to Christ always, and to never be paralyzed by fear.

At the end of the lesson, we came back to the story, and pulled it apart some more. We related it to ourselves. Christ was with us once, but left to be with his Father. We know he will come back one day, but we don't know when, just like the apostles didn't know when he'd join them again. The disciples were out there on the seas during the fourth watch: this time period fell between 3-6 AM, just before dawn. We live in the last dispensation of time. In their geographical area, the winds were often very violent, and the waves very daunting. When the savior came to them on the water, it was no wonder the disciples were freaked out. Yet amidst the storm, Christ said, "Be of good cheer...". How often do those words have to give battle to the virulent torrents in our lives?

Then came the exchange between Peter and Christ. After Christ invites Peter out onto the water, Peter actually stands on it and begins to walk! That's so AWESOME!! But his environment scared him, and he began to sink. Peter IMMEDIATELY called for the savior's help, and Christ was there instantly, helping him back onto his feet. Christ's scolding, though often taken as chastising, to me sounds more like a gentle chiding: "O ye of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" Did he say, "O ye of little faith in me, wherefore didst thou doubt in me? NO! I think the implications were more along the lines of "O ye of little faith in yourself, wherefore didst thou doubt in yourself? We agreed as a class that more often than not, that's what happens in our lives. It's not that we lose faith in Christ, or doubt in him; we lose faith in ourselves, and our own abilities. We start drowning, because the waves in our lives get so high so quickly. So often, we are quick to judge Peter for sinking, but we all in essence experience the very same thing in our lives when times get scary, right?

I love verse 32: And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased. Which says a few things to me: (1) The winds didn't let up at all the entire time Christ and Peter remained on the water. They calmed once they got to the ship. And (2) they had to get back to the ship. Now in every picture I've seen of this story's depiction, Peter and Christ were a good distance from the ship. Did Christ tow Peter through the water until they reached the boat? I don't think so. I think after Christ lifted Peter out the water's grasp, he set him on his feet, and together they walked on that water, all the way back to the boat.

When they got to the boat, what happened? Not one of the disciples judged Peter for ever sinking in that water. Instead, they were happy that Peter was there, and that Christ had come, and they all worshipped Christ together. After discussing the consequences for the righteous and the wicked when Christ comes again, our class agreed that the prize for the righteous was much better, and that we would love all of our friends and family to be there on the boat, together in love and happiness. I asked if anyone had friends or family out there in the water, drowning, or if they themselves felt like that. Most of the class responded with an understanding affirmative.

And that's when I told my class about my own experiences with drowning, with SSA, and with those in my life who came to my aid and grabbed me by the arms, lifted me out of the water, and helped me on my feet, even when I wasn't crying out for Christ's help. I got to bare my testimony to the class about how happy I am that I am still here in the church today, walking on water once again, on my way with those I love to the boat that's big enough for all of us. I told the class that my experience should not be special - that all of our friends, no matter what they deal with, whether it's abusive and addictive substances, violence, same gender attraction, depression, whatever it is - that we all belong here, that we all have a place on that boat.

This past Sunday, my bishop approached me after sacrament meeting. He is brand new to the ward, and it was only his second Sunday here when he sat in the back of my class and observed the class. He thanked me for teaching the class, and told me that the lesson was wonderful. He said he could really feel my spirit, and that he was glad I was able to share what I did with the class. I was so grateful to God for giving me the strength to do it, and for sending the bishop as reassurance that what I had done was for a good cause.



P.S. The two boys that I spoke about in my last blog? They came to my performance on Sunday! Their mother said they'd been talking about me nonstop all week, and so they came to the fireside just to hear me sing again! I was so touched.

The Parable of the Chicken Pot Pie

Jason and I have known each other half of our lives. When we were 12 or 13, he moved from the beautiful islands of Hawaii to the overcast wetlands of Tacoma. Our families became close, and we told people we were cousins.

Then my cousin Sailau came home from Japan when we were 15, and she moved in with us. We became brother and sister, we grew so close during those years. So when she and Jason started dating, we had to make the adjustment from calling Jason our "cousin" to calling him "our sister's boyfriend." Complicated? Try explaining to people why your cousin is dating your sister!

Jason and Sailau were on-again, off-again high school sweethearts that became a beautiful wedded couple. They are so cute together, and watching them grow from teenage lovebirds to parents of 3 children has been entertaining and inspiring. Though their lives have had their own share of drama (like everyone else's), I've been so proud of how much Jason and Sailau have grown and matured as people, as a couple, and as loving parents.

Jason has always been very athletic, very vibrant, and very active. So when I found out that he had cancer, I was a bit shocked. I was even more perturbed when Jason started getting hospitalized. At first, I reacted the way I always do: I went numb, and I steered clear from the situation as much as I could. A month ago, however, Sailau called me, and asked me to come visit her and Jason at the hospice where he was staying. She sounded like she really needed some support, and it was on the way of an area I planned on visiting that afternoon anyway.

I remember walking into that room for the first time: there were only 3 people there: Sailau, Jason, and our cousin Christian. i awkwardly greeted everyone, and sat in a chair. We talked pleasantries for a while before we started making fun of the rich kids on an MTV show that was on. Time went on, and more of it passed by than I originally anticipated before I made a weak exit. They were very appreciative of my little visit, and though I felt anxiety from being there, I felt that I needed to come back again, soon.

I returned the next day, Easter Sunday. Much more of the family was there this time, and I remember feeling closer to them than I had in a very long time. We had a great meal and spent much time talking together, singing for Jason, and enjoying the company of loved ones. Because of my crazy schedule and my lazy habits during the few leisurely weekends I do get to myself, I had chosen not to spend a lot of time with my family, and I'd forgotten how good it could feel to do so. I think I was touched more that day by the love in that hospice room than I had been in a very long time.

I came back to visit Jason every single day after that. I found myself thinking about him and Sailau and the kids constantly while at work, at church, or wherever else I was. After work, my arms and legs would automatically drive me to that hospice house, and I'd visit that room full of love, and be filled by it. Other members of the family would visit daily as well, and we all grew to love each other so much through the service we rendered Jason and his family. During this month, I gained friendships with family I had either barely met or had never known. I saw people of all races, ages, and religious affiliations come through that room to visit Jason, and bond with everyone else there. It has been one of the most incredible phenomenas to watch unravel.

Jason demonstrated this phenomenon to me one afternoon during a quick visit I made before work. He was wide awake and aware, and was in a great mood when I walked into the room. I told him I was there for a quick pitstop, and he offered me food and drink before I lef, like any good family member would. I declined, having no honest appetite at the time. He sighed and told me not to refuse, and once again requested that I visit the kitchen to make myself a plate. I politely turned it down again, explaining that I was truly not hungry, and that I'd take another break soon for lunch. He started getting upset with me, telling me that he really wanted me to eat something, and that he was not kidding. He told me that there was a chicken pot pie on the kitchen table that he was not going to be able to eat, and that wanted me to take it to work with me. After insisting twice more, I finally obliged, and promised I'd take it to work with me. The rest of the family members there coaxed me on, reminding me that Jason really wanted me to do it, and to make him happy. After thanking Jason again, and reassuring him that I really did have the chicken pot pie with me, and promising him that I would eat it, I left the hospice house, and arrived at work 30 minutes before my next lesson would begin.

I remember sitting in the back room, and setting my things down. I noticed a sudden and slight pain in my stomache: I WAS getting hungry after all. I had been up for 4 or 5 hours, and had skipped breakfast. I looked at that chicken pot pie, and immediately thought of Jason. How did he know that this would happen? That I really would get hungry, and need that pie? Gratefully, I sat down and finished that pot pie in 5 minutes flat. It satisfied me more than a chicken pot pie normally would, because I appreciated it more today. To me, that pie represented the love and wisdom of a loved one who refused to back down, and who looked out for his own, despite my stubborness.

Over the next couple weeks, I saw Jason help facilitate growth, healing, and maturation in the lives of all of those around him. Looking back now, I am amazed at the things he was able to accomplish from his hospital bed. He helped mend rifts in relationships that had fallen apart over the last few years, bring together old friends who hadn't spoken in a long time, create everlasting bonds between strangers, release the positive sides of pessimistic people, inspire hope in cynics, and encourage the good in an otherwise cruel world. All through simple things like a forgiving word, a pretty song, or a delicious chicken pot pie.

Last Tuesday, Jason was called back to our heavenly home. At the young age of 25, Jason had already fulfilled his mortal life's measure. There's no doubt he was good at taking care of things in a timely manner; it was obvious how well he'd done that in the way he prepared his wife, his kids, and his family for his departure. Over the last month, Jason taught me a lot about life's biggest priorities: life well-lived before God and yourself, love everlasting that is grown and nurtured through family ties and bonds of true friendship, and the pursuit of happiness that is fulfilled by the measure of your granting it to others. All it took for me to learn this valuable lesson was the cost of gas to get to the hospice house, time well spent visiting my brother in law, and a chicken pot pie I'll never forget.

Walk With Me

I am weak; I've been traveling all day on these feet
And I have no more strength left in me
So if Thou wilt pardon this heart that's been hardened
By these streets
I'm changing right now; Gotta be much more humble somehow
That's why my knees are now touching the ground
I'm praying for mercy from he who has heard me before
To Thee I implore

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me
Take my hand in Thine and show me the way
Savior, please stay
Come with me, Go with me
Walk with me

I have not the strength to run, I am hardly standing
But if Thou wilt walk with me I can do anything
I will be faithful; I will be humble
Whatever I may need
If Thou wilt walk with me

I am cold; I've been out here all night all alone
And I have no place else left to go
So once again, Father, I'm praying for harbor
From this storm
Dark clouds from above have settled on the path I'm to trod
Still I will not doubt Thy love
Even now as I shudder, I hear Thy voice utter "Peace,
I walk with thee"

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me
Take my hand in Thine and show me the way
Savior, please stay
Come with me, Go with me
Walk with me

My body is failing me; I am barely breathing
But since Thou art with me Lord, I'll get home safely
I will be patient; I will be fervent
And follow where He leads
He who walks with me